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My mom acts like Natalie. My mom, after ending her six month addiction to cocaine, is a different person. Although she is 48, she acts like she is 16. This is so devastating to me, the only reason why I’m writing about it right now is because I am drunk. If I was sober I could not come to write about the pain it is to see my mother in such a stuper state.
My mother is retarded. The cocaine has taken away her life and her rational thinking. I wonder if my mom would be better off dead than be in the stupid state she is in now.
I really regret not answering her phone calls the last 4 years. I feel that she doesn’t have any friends, and she is reaching out to anybody that shows even the slightest hint of friendship.
Anyways, my mom is stupid. She has been off work for three months, went on a $2,000 cruise vacation, and we are $3,000 in debt with our credit card. She says she has spent $10,000 of her life savings on cocaine. Now mom wants to go on another vacation, to Arizona. Her excuse to go there this time was to check houses to buy, because she wants to move down there. She already bought the plane ticket and hasn’t told grandma, it’s $250.
Grandma told me that she believes mom has already taken out loans from the bank, and if mom wants to go bankrupt then it’s her funeral.
My mom is a different person. I am so angry at her that she allowed herself to become addicted to cocaine. Let me repeat myself. My mom is different, she is stupider and has alot of the same characteristics of Natelie now.
I am trying my best to turn around mom, to make her stop hanging out with druggies and pursue a life returning to normalcy. I’m not sure if mom can do it.
The reason why I believe mom can’t do it is because now she is a different person. The drugs have physically changed her. It has made her so slow in thinking, I don’t know if I can ever get her back. I’m afraid she will be like Natalie for the rest of her life.
I’m so mad at her I don’t know what to do. She talks crazy talk. She joined belly dancing classes. Let me get this point straight- my mom would never join belly dancing classes. My pre-cocaine mom would never have the time or desire to take belly dancing lessons, but now this is something she doesn’t ever want to miss.
When mom was attending RN school or would talk about any other type of schooling, she would always tell my sister and I that her “brain was fried” and that my sister and I would have much better luck at learning new things easily. My mom was rational when she said that and I never took her saying seriously. Now, after my mom has done coke, I can say that my mom’s brain really is fried, and she will never be the same again. It’s ironic how she’s been saying that all our life to me and my sister, when it wasn’t true, and now her brain really is fried.
I really don’t know what to do. It seems like she doesn’t care about me anymore, I think it’s because she felt abandoned when I left for college and finally decided that I was out of her life forever. I only called when I needed money, and she would tell me that alot and almost everytime when I called her. She was right, because it was boring to talk to her and I really didn’t want to talk about anything involving me or anything like that because that’s the way I am.
Anyways, theres only so much one person can do. I try to tell her not to do things, like travel to Arizona or hang out with her druggie friend Dave, but being so far away I can’t control her.
When she doesn’t listen to me and does whatever she wants, it makes me want to give up. Grandma has already expressed that she’s done everything she could do and a lot more, and that she doesn’t have time to worry about mom’s problems. I sort of agree with her.
When you come down to it, it was moms fault that she started doing cocaine. No one put a gun to her head or forced her to do it, it was her own choice. And because of that choice she made, we now find ourselves in the predicament we are in now. She is late on her bills and credit card, but Kenny and grandma are giving her money so she thinks she can keep on spending. I am so pissed off because of this.
Mom is digging her own grave, and she is happy to do it. Even if she gives up cocaine, which I don’t think she can, she is still heavily addicted to coffee and smoking. If the cocaine doesn’t call her, these things will. For gosh sakes, my mom is fucking 48 years old! Do you think her body is strong enough to beat this combination? NO.
Let me just say that I think my mom will die as a coke addict. Her only importance in life was that she had two kids. One a successful something, and the other yet to be determined. What a waste. But it was her choice, I must always remember that.
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Topics: Personal |
April 8th, 2008 at 11:16 am
i think you are coming at this wrong, and unhelpful. most people who seek out drugs have deeply rooted issues. they try to escape the lives they have now. and you calling your mom boring and not talking to her only when you needed money did not help her. i don’t see that you wrote about your father anywhere here. but who am i to judge your compassionate feelings to your own mother when i don’t even know you. but the post just made me feel you never seek to help our mother out and blamed her so much for her choices. its true that she made those choices, but ask a daughter your could have saved her.